have a strong suspicion that online dating discourse is hyperreal media (like everything now). That is to say, in modern times there weren’t that many actual problems between men and women and media pretended that there were and as a result, many more problems started to emerge in real life. Those weren’t triggered by reality, though, but by media. Take for example the entire “manosphere” cult and their woke feminist counterparts. Before 2015 I felt like, lots of their talked about rifts between men and women didn’t exist that much (might be due to my age though), however after both of them started crying everyday in media actual problems and rifts started to emerge between men and women. The interesting thing is that the rifts started to exist only after pundits already had started to talk about rifts. All this to say that we should consume less media and vet the media we consume more thoroughly (the more timeless, the better, the timelier, the more garbage potential). All these problems would stop if more people simply turned off most of the content out there imo. We are in a weird situation where the problems wouldn’t exist, but they do exist because people think they exist. Hyperreal dating discourse must end and the only way is probably to stop engaging with it, at least that’s my idea, I don’t think anything else would work, anything else would most likely “feed the beast”, so to speak. My solution is not to propose a better narrative, but to end all dating discourse narratives.
why isn't the obvious answer to this issue normalizing having daycares at workplaces over a certain size where both mom and dad can spend part of the day with the child
smaller companies could pay into shared day care spaces
much like wfh after COVID lockdowns, once something like that takes hold, it's hard for employers who don't offer something to compete for workers
this also has the additional benefit of increasing surveillance opportunities for abuse prevention and for ensuring minimal health screenings
government should subsidize it to get it started and assume that while there would still be private day cares, that market would shrink while getting rolled into the rest of corporate America
This is a fascinating read, usually one would think only people who are hell bent on working 100+ hours a week would face problems having kids, but online discourse makes it almost surreal that it implies even people on 40 hours would need to be childless and alone.
I grew up with a workaholic father that chose a job that allowed him to do it remotely and inside the house to have more time with me. What triggered this was both irresponsible family cofounders destroying his businesses and him realizing that at age 9 I didn't know who he was.
My mom was a stay at home mom that always tried making money selling items to others as a bare bones entrepreneur.
I grew up seeing both of them taking turns in making food(my mom made better food tho haha), taking care of the house and budgeting.
It wasn't a rich life, but they both were there, and I got to develop deep relationships with both.
With that said, I also saw plenty of family members who retired and didn't work anymore end up depressed and in meaningless lives even with kids and grandkids.
That prompted me to be more workaholic not for money's sake but for meaning. Building stuff and mastering skills do make people lead more meaningful lives. My mom, even though not "traditionally" employed finds deep meaning not only taking care of kids but also learning new skills such as treatments with herbs and helping others with health issues. My dad although "retired" is building a leather wallet business for fun and building a motor home.
But I digress. I do think having kids is an issue for super workaholics, and I do see myself in that situation. I feel like I need a huge win before I can even think of having kids, I really don't want to bring a kid into the world to be ignored by me while I focus on 2-3 business at once.
But this sort of discourse shouldn't even be a thing for people working on one business, one career, working 40-60 hours a day. There's plenty of time to raise kids on the other hours of the day and improve in their field, it's not a new thing and as a paper that you mentioned on twitter, people have been doing this before the industrial revolution. Work doesn't mean not having kids, having kids doesn't mean you can't progress in your career.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing, Lucas. I really enjoyed learning more about your experience with your family while growing up. It's great to see that someone else gets it about the meaning that work can bring to your life as well as that you literally can pursue both parenthood and career! I hope for all the best for you in your goals <3
What is the argument for subsidizing accessibility of surrogacy? Is pregnancy itself seen as detrimental to career advancement? I'm not aware of any statistics showing job performance declines significantly during pregnancy. Even if it did its not like surrogacy eliminates the burdens of pregnancy, it only transfers them between people.
have a strong suspicion that online dating discourse is hyperreal media (like everything now). That is to say, in modern times there weren’t that many actual problems between men and women and media pretended that there were and as a result, many more problems started to emerge in real life. Those weren’t triggered by reality, though, but by media. Take for example the entire “manosphere” cult and their woke feminist counterparts. Before 2015 I felt like, lots of their talked about rifts between men and women didn’t exist that much (might be due to my age though), however after both of them started crying everyday in media actual problems and rifts started to emerge between men and women. The interesting thing is that the rifts started to exist only after pundits already had started to talk about rifts. All this to say that we should consume less media and vet the media we consume more thoroughly (the more timeless, the better, the timelier, the more garbage potential). All these problems would stop if more people simply turned off most of the content out there imo. We are in a weird situation where the problems wouldn’t exist, but they do exist because people think they exist. Hyperreal dating discourse must end and the only way is probably to stop engaging with it, at least that’s my idea, I don’t think anything else would work, anything else would most likely “feed the beast”, so to speak. My solution is not to propose a better narrative, but to end all dating discourse narratives.
After dumping my thoughts, wanna say interesting read and looking forward to more articles! 👍
why isn't the obvious answer to this issue normalizing having daycares at workplaces over a certain size where both mom and dad can spend part of the day with the child
smaller companies could pay into shared day care spaces
much like wfh after COVID lockdowns, once something like that takes hold, it's hard for employers who don't offer something to compete for workers
this also has the additional benefit of increasing surveillance opportunities for abuse prevention and for ensuring minimal health screenings
government should subsidize it to get it started and assume that while there would still be private day cares, that market would shrink while getting rolled into the rest of corporate America
everybody wins
especially the children
This is a fascinating read, usually one would think only people who are hell bent on working 100+ hours a week would face problems having kids, but online discourse makes it almost surreal that it implies even people on 40 hours would need to be childless and alone.
I grew up with a workaholic father that chose a job that allowed him to do it remotely and inside the house to have more time with me. What triggered this was both irresponsible family cofounders destroying his businesses and him realizing that at age 9 I didn't know who he was.
My mom was a stay at home mom that always tried making money selling items to others as a bare bones entrepreneur.
I grew up seeing both of them taking turns in making food(my mom made better food tho haha), taking care of the house and budgeting.
It wasn't a rich life, but they both were there, and I got to develop deep relationships with both.
With that said, I also saw plenty of family members who retired and didn't work anymore end up depressed and in meaningless lives even with kids and grandkids.
That prompted me to be more workaholic not for money's sake but for meaning. Building stuff and mastering skills do make people lead more meaningful lives. My mom, even though not "traditionally" employed finds deep meaning not only taking care of kids but also learning new skills such as treatments with herbs and helping others with health issues. My dad although "retired" is building a leather wallet business for fun and building a motor home.
But I digress. I do think having kids is an issue for super workaholics, and I do see myself in that situation. I feel like I need a huge win before I can even think of having kids, I really don't want to bring a kid into the world to be ignored by me while I focus on 2-3 business at once.
But this sort of discourse shouldn't even be a thing for people working on one business, one career, working 40-60 hours a day. There's plenty of time to raise kids on the other hours of the day and improve in their field, it's not a new thing and as a paper that you mentioned on twitter, people have been doing this before the industrial revolution. Work doesn't mean not having kids, having kids doesn't mean you can't progress in your career.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing, Lucas. I really enjoyed learning more about your experience with your family while growing up. It's great to see that someone else gets it about the meaning that work can bring to your life as well as that you literally can pursue both parenthood and career! I hope for all the best for you in your goals <3
Outstanding
What is the argument for subsidizing accessibility of surrogacy? Is pregnancy itself seen as detrimental to career advancement? I'm not aware of any statistics showing job performance declines significantly during pregnancy. Even if it did its not like surrogacy eliminates the burdens of pregnancy, it only transfers them between people.
Nannies and surrogates can be helpful too especially for people who don’t have family who are present or healthy enough to pitch in… otherwise yes